5 things not to do during a piano concert

1) Leave cell phones on - especially if the ring tone is so clearly not from the same period as the piece being played on stage. For example, if the pianist is playing Liszt's Dante Symphony, please don't have the theme to The Simpsons blare out. Recommended alternative: A ring tone inspired by Mendelssohn.

2) Incessantly unwrap candies. Candy wrappers are potentially hair-raising beasts and there is no way to unwrap these without considerable noise. Recommended alternative: Putting a few tic-tacs in your shirt pocket prior to the concert.

3) Apologize, using words, for sneezing. Recommended alternative: Just let the sneeze be a sneeze.

4) Read the newspaper. Actually, reading one is fine, but turning the pages? Recommended alternative: Download articles onto your Treo - just dim the backlight.

5) Giggle for an hour - especially if you are 30.

Recommended alternative when giggles threaten to surface:

a) go through your cell phone address book and delete, one-by-one, each of your contacts;
b) imagine the tic-tacs in your shirt pocket are actually tiny sacks of baby spiders;
c) stuff tissues into your mouth;
d) read about Darfur, river blindness or sub-prime loans on your treo.

At home and not broken yet

Much to the chagrin of Anne, I have not yet brought myself to the ER for an x-ray. It's not that I don't think it's cool to wear a cast. Rather, I just hate the lines. No doubt I would get there, wait 2 hrs to tell a doctor that my foot hurts, 2 hours to get an x-ray, 2 hours for the doctor to read it. Before I blink, I'll have been exposed to the flu, TB, gnarly staff infections, and more, just to be told to stay off my feet. I AM staying off of my feet. And I don't think it's broken either. I can now put weight on it without wincing. Anne doesn't care and wants me to go just to be sure. I'll probably go tomorrow.What else? Well, Anne's in LA with her family right now, enjoying 90 degrees of lovely heat. No, please don't think she abandoned me in my time of need. Really. Well, I guess she did, but . . .. BUT, she made me a sheet of veggie lasagna, a big bowl of couscous, a whole batch of chocolate chip cookies. She also went out food shopping and got . . ., wait, she's in LA?! I'm set, really. I've got my books, rented a couple of movies, and can do my taxes. Shit, all my tax info is at work. Nobody has sent up Domino's with pineapple yet. That's okay, I've got couscous . . ..

Ft. Lauderdale and frozen mixed vegetables . . .

Yeah, they don't normally go together. And today is no exception. I currently have a bag of mini vegetables ace bandaged around my left foot and I'm NOT in Ft. Lauderdale. ERG. Hurt/bruised/Anne thinks I broke it last night while playing soccer and thought a trip down to see my Grandmother would have been less than I'd hoped for. What's a trip to Boca Raton without shuffleboard?! So, I'm now holed up in our 1 bedroom for the long weekend. Could use that t.v. just about . . . now.

I'm not asking for pity, but if anyone would like to send me a Domino's pizza with pineapple, I wouldn't be disappointed. Oh, and I need a cane too - a nice wooden one.